but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
this beer tastes like vomit already
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Randomize
