Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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