I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize