News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
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