i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I wish there were birth control emojis
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
