My brain says no but my pants say off.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
