I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize