Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
