"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
