oh fat girl friday strikes again...
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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