dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
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