I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
