I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize