I think scott just propositioned me for sex
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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