im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
can u get pink eye on your cock?
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
