My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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