Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
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