just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
