I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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