It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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