Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
