people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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