Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
