Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
