she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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