never play flip cup with pint glasses
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Randomize
