Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
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