And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Randomize
