I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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