i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Randomize
