Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Randomize
