remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Your penis caused this!
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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