I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Randomize
