god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
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