I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
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