someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
