Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
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