I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Randomize