My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Randomize
