I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
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