he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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