im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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