Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
