he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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