i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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