Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Randomize
