I just made out with a guy for $7.
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Randomize
