I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Randomize
