I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
