I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
