I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Randomize
