sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Every concussion has its silver lining
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Randomize
