when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
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