oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I just cut my nipple shaving
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize