A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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