I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Never underestimate the power of titties
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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