she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Randomize
