i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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