Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
