ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
