I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
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