a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
