Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
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