I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
My feet surprised me
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
