I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
