You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Randomize
