thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
