I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
