I think I am morally bankrupt
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
