Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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