could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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