His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Randomize
