STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
