Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
