I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
