imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize