What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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