At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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