Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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